The art of choosing a spouse – Finding a Husband
So what should we look for when choosing a husband? Is it enough to just find someone who is religious? Or is there more to it than that? What does the quran and sunnah tell us to look for in a husband?
The quran and the sunnah gives us specific qualities to look for in a husband.
One of the women said: “O my father, hire him. Indeed, the best one you can hire is the strong and trustworthy.” Quran (28:26)
If a man comes (and asks for your daughters hand in marriage) who possesses ethical conduct and religious origin, then marry him (to her). If you do not, it will be a great trial and mischief on the face of the earth. (Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah)
The four qualities mentioned within the quran and sunnah are: strength (qawwi), being trustworthy (amin), having good character (khuluk) and a sound religion (deen).
The majority of scholars say that this strength is not just physical strength but also strength of emaan and the ability to control himself and his emotions. It is the overall strength of the person. He also has to be trustworthy as a transfer of guardianship takes place when you marry her, you become an amanah in your husbands care. So you need to ensure that he is trustworthy so that will look after you properly as your father did for all these years. It is important for him to have both qualities as the amanah will control his strength.
Having good character is so important in a husband as he needs to understand that women need to be treated with sensitivity and courtesy. Women tend to be more emotional and so a man who does not have good moral conduct may not treat her in the best way that she deserves at these times. Women also suffer from hormonal imbalance because of their menstrual cycle, even suffering from severe pains. So at this time she requires tenderness and kindness from her husband, if he does not have good character he will not understand and be sympathetic towards her. There are also many hadiths which state the importance of good character.
He must also be sstrong in his deen, you need to know that he is worshiping Allah. Someone who prays, fasts, give zakat etc. If he cannot fulfill the rights of Allah, how can you be sure that he will fulfill your rights? There is a hadith that states that the one who does not pray his salah is considered to have left Islam. This hadith shows how important it is to ensure that he is doing these acts of worship.
The best of you are those who are the best to their wives. (Tirmidhi)
There is a strong connection between ikhlaq and ibadah. The above hadith is so important as it is only your wife who will know your true self. You can act in a certain way in front of everyone else but your wife will know who you truly are behind closed doors. So you may be Abu Bakr in the masjid but Abu Jahl in the home. Only your wife will know this. So both are important when searching for a husband.
Also when you look at the acts of worship they are connected to good character. When you pray your salah it wards off evil. Giving zakat purifies you and makes you generous. Fasting makes you mindful of Allah. Hajj makes you patient and gives you self-control. Your acts of worship should improve your character.
There are other things to consider when choosing a husband; does he have the means to get married, his appearance, fertility. When you get married it is important to know that he does have the means to look after you, it will be different for each person but you must be content with how much he has. Being attracted to the person is something you need to consider as you will be spending the rest of your life with him. Fertility is something that needs to be discussed if it is known that you have a health problem that will affect it before the nikkah. There are other things which should also be considered depending on each persons situation however the four things mentioned should definitely be the what you look for.