Am I Complete?

When I say that having children isn’t a priority for me right now. People will often tell me that I am not “complete” until I have kids.

Let me tell you this: I am complete. I do not need a husband or children to make me a complete human being. I am complete. God created me complete.

My reason for existence isn’t for my husband or for my children. There is only one reason for my existence.

To worship Allah.

And I did not create the jinn and mankind except to worship Me alone. (Quran 51:56)

Yes, children are a blessing but not everyone will have children. Does that mean those women have incomplete lives than those who have children?

It does not.

People are more than capable of living happily both with and without children. They can also be miserable with or without children. It really depends on how you look at it.

I am happy without children in my life right now. I am happy focusing on my marriage, my career, my health. This notion of being complete once you’re married with children needs to stop.

We should be teaching the youth that they are complete in and of themselves. That they should find themselves before they get married before they have children.

Because getting married or having a child is not a cure for completeness or happiness.

There are many examples of women who lived happy, complete lives; some were married, some were not. Some had children and some did not. The Mothers of the Believers are prime examples of living complete lives even though they didn’t have children.

No-one made them feel as though they were less because they didn’t have children, they weren’t continually told that they NEED to have children. They were celebrated for all that they did and achieved in life.

Maybe we should learn to mind our business and not tell girls and women these toxic messages that to be “complete” they need to get married or have kids. Everyone will have a different path in life and not everyone’s path will include marriage and children.

There are so many reasons as to why women don’t have children some because of a health condition which makes it dangerous or impossible, some out of choice.

Who are we to decide that they need to have children?

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What happens when you Marry a Bookworm

This post is dedicated to my husband who has put up with all that comes with marrying a booknerd. So these are just some of things you have to deal with if your spouse is a booknerd! To all the people who are looking to get married and your potential spouse says they love reading, you have been warned!

1) We will constantly gush about whatever book we’re reading. Especially when we finish a book we NEED to talk to someone about everything we’re feeling and you are the closest person to us therefore you will have to listen. Even if that means we wake you up at 4am because we we’re an emotional wreck. This will also mean that you will know characters and storylines about books you may not have even looked at, let alone read.

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2) If something traumatic happens in the book we’re reading we will be severely affected by it. If one of our favourite characters dies then we will be an emotional wreck. We will cry, laugh, scream and yell at the book. Basically our emotions are affected by the book.

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3) Everytime we walk past a bookshop we will NEED to go inside to browse. This can mean we think we’re in there for 10 minutes but it can be an hour. We really won’t realise the that much time has passed because we’re too busy looking at all the amazing book we want to buy. You will more than likely end up dragging us out.

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4) We will want to buy more books even though we have a pile of books at home we haven’t read yet. Our favourite kind of shopping spree is a book shopping spree. Don’t worry we will eventually get round to reading all the books we have.

5) We will NEVER have enough books, just not enough bookcases.

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6) Our main post will be books! Because like I mentioned we need to buy books all the time it’s not always from the shop. We will also buy books online. You will also end up carrying the bag of books when we do go to the bookshop.

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7) As we love books, we will want to meet the author of these books. This will mean we will drag you book events as we don’t want to go alone.

8) Our books are like our children, our prized possessions. We will not take kindly to any damage to our books and we always dream of having our own personal library.

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9) We will want several editions of our favourite books. They’re so many pretty covers out there and we want them all!

10) You should never interrupt us mid-chapter. We will either not even realise you spoke to us or become highly irritated with you.

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11) You will never be stuck for a gift for us. You can literally buy us books for any and all occasions and we will be happy.

12) We will tell you every night that we will finish the chapter and come up to bed but it will become one more chapter until it’s past midnight and we’re exhausted but we still need to read one more chapter.

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13) We will carry a book wherever we go, even if it’s to go get the groceries because you know, just in case. We can’t ever get bored if we have a book with us.

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So these are things that me and my husband came up with. I’m sure that others will have their own ones to add. We booknerds are a unique bunch but at least we will keep your life interesting and you will always have something to talk about. 🙂

Alhamdulillah!

And if you were to count the blessing of Allah never will you be able to count them.
Quran (14:36)
Allah gives us countless blessings, He gives and gives, so many in fact that we can’t even count them. Yet how many of us remember to thank Allah for our blessings? We take what Allah gives for granted, we think that it’s due to our hard work that we have achieved something. We become ungrateful because we forget that we can’t do anything without Allah and all that He gives us. 
This ayah really amazes me as it says blessing, in singular, Allah tells us we can’t even count one blessing. For a long time I didn’t really understand what it meant but as I learnt more I realised that from one blessing comes countless others. Our sight is a blessing and from the blessing of being able to see we have so many blessings as a result of this blessing for example We can read the Quran. Without the blessing of sight we wouldn’t be able to see the words in the Quran and recite it. Allah gives us so much that we can’t even begin to count just how much he gave us. 
So which of the favours of your Lord would you deny? 
Quran (55:13)
This ayah is repeated 31 times in Surah Rahman. Every time Allah says this it is preceded by a favour, a blessing given to us by Allah. Allah is telling us about so many blessings bestowed on us, blessing after blessing so how can we deny these? We should be grateful to Allah that He has provided everything for us even though we haven’t done anything to deserve these countless number of blessings. We need to constantly express our gratitude to Allah. It is so easy for us to forget all the blessings we have especially when we are faced with difficulties so we need to learn ways to be grateful and give thanks to Allah for what we have.
We should make a habit of saying Alhamdulillah all the time, whether we’re in a time of hardship or ease. Allah loves those who are grateful so in consistently saying Alhamdulillah we will reap many rewards and success. 
As Allah says: And remember when your Lord proclaimed, “if you are grateful, I will increase you in favour. But if you deny indeed, my punishment is severe.” Quran (14:7)
Ensuring we pray our salah consistently and on time is probably one of the best ways to show gratitude to Allah. Making dua to Allah and asking only from Him. What better time to show how grateful you are than in sujood. Being consistent in our salah and dhikr Allah will give us a great reward, so much more than we could possibly imagine.
As Allah says: whoever does righteousness, whether male or female, while he is a believer – We will surely cause him to live a good life and We will surely give them their reward (in the hereafter) according to the best of what they used to do. Quran (16:97)
All and every blessing and favour we have is from Allah so when we are faced with difficulties we turn to Allah and ask Him to help us. We beg Him to remove the difficulty from our lives and grant us ease. Yet when Allah answers us and removes the difficulty we forget to turn to Allah. We are selective in turning to Him, only when we need to. We act as though the good came from your own hard work. We need to remember that the ease was only through the blessing of Allah, and He can give and take as He wills. So if we are grateful He will increase us and if we are ungrateful aren’t we at risk of having the blessing removed from us?
As Allah says: And whatever you have of favour – it is from Allah. Then when adversity touches you, to Him you cry for help. Then when He removes the adversity from you, at once a party of you associates others with their Lord. Quran (16:53-54)
We should try and have positive thoughts whatever situation we are in and try to positive in what we what we say. What we think and say has a huge effect on us. If we think negative thoughts then we will become ungrateful but if we remain positive then we are more likely to be grateful for all the blessings we have been given.
We know that Allah is not in need of our worship, it is in fact us who are going to benefit from worshipping Allah. Allah gives us so many blessings, that’s for our benefit and us being grateful for the blessings is also for our benefit! So in showing our gratitude we are only going to get more blessings from Allah.
As Allah says: And when (Suleiman) saw it placed before him, he said, “This is from the favour of my Lord to test me whether I will be grateful or ungrateful. And whoever is grateful – his gratitude is only for (the benefit of) himself. And whoever is ungrateful – then indeed, my Lord is free of need and generous. Quran (27:40)
Being grateful for what others do for us is also a way of showing gratitude to Allah. If someone does something nice for us or gives us a gift we should be grateful no matter how big or small it is. Saying thank you and letting the person know you appreciate it is a way of showing gratitude to Allah. As we know the prophet (saw) said, that whoever does not thank people does not thank Allah. So if we are not grateful to the people in our lives then we are in fact being ungrateful to Allah. 
We should remember that Allah is Ash-Shaakir, the rewarded of good and Ash-Shakoor, the appreciative. He recognises and appreciates our good actions and ibadah and rewards us greatly for even the smallest of actions. His reward is far greater in proportion to the gratitude we show. When we realise this then we can begin to appreciate just how many blessings we are given.
And lastly I will leave you with some food for thought: “Saying alhamdulillah deserves another alhamdulillah in itself, to thank Allah for allowing us to give thanks to Him.” SubhanAllah!