Happily Ever After?

A few months before I got married one of my best friends told me, marriage is twice as hard as you think it’s going to be. And she couldn’t have been more right.

Marriage isn’t the fairytale we are taught growing up where they magically live happily ever after. It takes constant hard work to build a strong and successful marriage. There are good days and there are bad days. Ups and downs. Even days where you want to kill each other. It is a huge change in your life and it will take time to adjust and many compromises and meeting at half way points has to be done. When you go from living with your parents and having little responsibilities to have to compromise on many aspects of your life it can be a shock to your system. After that honeymoon period where everything is lovey dovey and reality kicks in that’s when you realise just how much effort you need to put into your marriage to make is a successful one.

Now I’m not saying all this to scare people but many people go into marriage thinking it’s all going to be easy and everything will be just fine and they don’t need to change or make any compromises and that’s how people end up fighting and problems escalate and people get divorced on matters that could have been solved if they had gotten married and been realistic in what marriage will be like.

Both the husband and wife need to make compromises and adapt and change to the changes in their life. It is necessary that they both realise that their lifestyle before marriage will not work now they are married. You have responsibilities towards each other and it is important to understand that each of you must make joint decisions and give each other time and support to adjust to the new lifestyle.

It’s so important that they both take time to understand each other and create an environment where both are comfortable and not feeling suffocated. It is not okay for one person to have to always fulfill responsibilities while the other relaxes and enjoys themselves. Both need to fulfill responsibilities so that both have time to relax and spend some time with each other and family and friends.

Good communication is so important as misunderstandings can happen so easily especially at the beginning of the marriage. Men and women communicate differently and initially it can be difficult to understand what each other are trying to say and it can be easy for your spouse to say something and for you to understand it differently than what they meant. Speaking to each other daily by spending quality time together can help a lot when trying to learn about how the other communicates.
Romance! Keep the romance alive! That spark and excitement that we have in the honeymoon period is so amazing so why let it end after a few weeks? Go on dates, surprise each other with gifts or something that is important to your spouse. Take an interest in their interests and hobbies. Have quality time set aside regularly solely to spend time with your spouse as our busy routines can make us take our spouse for granted.
But I feel the most important thing when you get married is to help , support and encourage each other in our ibadah. Wake each other up for fair, read Quran together sometimes, attend islamic classes together. Improve in your worship and learn how your marriage can help you gain the love of Allah. As really and truly our marriage cannot be successful without the help of Allah.
None of this happens overnight, it needs constant hard work, I have been married for almost a year and we’re still learning about each other and how each other thinks and communicates. This is a reminder to myself first before anyone else. We still have a lot of growing to do in our marriage but we want a successful marriage in the sight of Allah.
And lastly I want to say that before demanding your rights you must fulfil your responsibilities.