Boys will be Boys. Right?

“She was asking for it”
“Why was she dressed like that then?”
“Well she shouldn’t have been out that late.”

Phrases people say when they try to justify why it wasn’t really the mans fault that he assaulted or raped a woman.

And I just can’t believe people actually think like this!

And in thinking like this we actually oppress the women. We stop them from getting an education, having a job, having a social life where she can go out and meet other sisters etc They think by doing this it’s enough. They neglect what’s even more important. Teaching men how to treat women well.

So if the woman had worn full niqab she would never get assaulted? If she didn’t go out or have a job she would never be a victim of abuse? Wrong! They still have.

About 85,000 women a year who are raped in England and Wales alone. And that’s the women who actually report it. But why does this happen to so many women?

Women are held more accountable than men. And often women are actually blamed for being raped. It’s the mindset that it’s the womans fault anyways, or that she was asking for it, that needs to change. No woman wants to be assaulted or raped. Ever.

This attitude is put within while we’re kids. When we’re told that a boy likes us if hes mean to us. Or if we tell someone he’s making fun of us etc. we’re told that, boys will be boys. We actually teach boys this behaviour is okay. That girls will be held more accountable than they will.

So just like we teach girls to be safe and not go out too late etc. We may even prevent them from going out, instead, keeping them in the home. We don’t allow them to get an education or build a career because something may happen to them. How about we also focus on the men.

We need to teach men how to treat a woman, how to be respectful and polite. How to control themselves if they see a woman they’re attracted to. That they are not superior to women and teach them to hold themselves accountable for their actions. Especially when they are kids and teenagers do not say that they’re “just being boys” because the greatest of men would never accept this behaviour and mindset.

The greatest of men to live, the greatest examples who we should make role models for men treated women in the best manner. They would never assault a woman and then behave as if it wasn’t really his fault.

Musa (as) when speaking to the women at the well did not stare at them, he even walked in front of them to be more respectful. The prophet (saw) has so many examples in which women, including his wives testify to how well he treated them. In fact every prophet is known to have treated women in the best manner.

So then why is it that we don’t teach this to our sons? Why do they think they can get away with assaulting or raping a woman? Why is it that when a woman comes forward and says she has been raped shes made to feel as if shes responsible for being raped? Why do we allow the rapist to get away with little or no punishment?

So change this mindset, don’t stop women from living their lives, teach the men how to behave.

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Musings of a Muslimah

I'm a physiotherapist and hijama therapist and happily married Alhamdulillah. This blog is me writing what I learn at my classes and what goes on in my head, my way of taking some time out and reflecting and sharing my thoughts on what I see in society.

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