You need to understand the language of the person you are speaking to. Then you can speak in that language.
Another area that was taught at the course was how to decipher the language barrier between genders. When we get married we think that our spouse will be able to understand us the same as our family and friends did. But we forget that they do not know us like our family and friends, that men and women think differently so what is obvious to us may not be obvious to them. For example, when a woman has a problem to deal with she wants to talk about how she feels whereas a man prefers to think about his problem on his own. We were taught 6 language barriers between genders and how to deal with these to have a better relationship.
Developing good communication skills and understanding how to communicate with the opposite gender is so important. The inability to communicate effectively leads many couples to divorce or unhappy marriages.
The first language barrier is that a man loves to prove himself by what he produces. This is one of the most important things about spouses which the couple should be aware of. A man shows his love to his wife by providing for her whereas a woman shows it through emotions. So the husband may not necessarily tell his wife that he loves her because he thinks that by working and providing for her that is him showing his love. Problems arise when the wife doesn’t understand that this is how he expresses his love and the husband doesn’t understand that women are not the same as men when it comes to feeling loved.
The second language barrier is that men are physically based and women are emotionally based. Research shows that 80-90% of men view intimacy as the most important aspect of their marriage. Understanding the different needs that men and women have will allow better communication between spouses. It will also allow each of them to address their spouses needs so they won’t feel as though they are being neglected or their feelings ignored. To have your own needs addressed you must address the needs of your spouse. It is especially important once you have children as they can take up most of your time.
The third language barrier is learning about each other’s interest and hobbies. By doing so you get closer to your spouse by knowing more about each other’s interests. It helps you to connect to your spouse and understand each other on a deeper level. There are many things you can do together for example; take up a course/movie/sport together or read together or travel locally and explore your local area, or cook a romantic meal together.
The fourth barrier is women love men who listen. Women feel fulfilled and satisfied when her husband supports her emotionally. It is important for men to understand that she doesn’t necessarily want a solution but just someone who will listen and try to understand what she is saying. When a husband interrupts and gives her a “solution” he thinks he is helping but she feels that the husband doesn’t have time for her and so is giving a solution to get away. There are many techniques we can learn to improve our listening skills, such as, facing the speaker, giving eye contact, not interrupting, being attentive and giving feedback.
The fifth barrier is that men and women use different sides of the brain to process information which affects their communication skills. Women are better at bigger picture and situational thinking whereas men are better at specific spatial thinking. Women can multi-task whereas men are better at doing one task at a time. Women tend to perceive pain more intensely than men and have better memories than men. Men are better at performing mathematical tasks than women and tend to have a better sense of direction. Understanding these differences can help us to understand each other.
The last barrier is that women look at specifics while men look at the general picture. So for example a man might be looking for a simple yes or no answer while a woman will want to know specific details.
So with this information inshaAllah we can work on understanding each other better. Remember that men and women are different and have different roles in life so we should try to complete each other not compete with each other.