I Hear Whispers…

I hear whispers telling me that it’s okay to pray later that what I’m doing is far too important to leave halfway through. I hear whispers saying not to worry that I have loads of time to pray before the next salah time begins. He tells me to sit down and relax for a while longer. Then before I realise salah time is ending and I’m rushing to pray. 

I hear whispers even while I’m praying reminding me of all the things I need to do. He reminds me of things I had long forgotten. He tries to distract me, constantly making me lose focus on my salah. 

I hear whispers telling me that I shouldn’t give so much in charity because then how will I pay for the things I need? He tells me to give only a little or to give next time because I have bills to pay and things to buy. He reminds me of poverty and causes me to forget that Allah is the one who provides.

 I hear whispers reminding me of my insecurities and self doubts. He makes me feel as though I can’t achieve anything, that my success is limited. He makes me doubt my own abilities and tries to stop me from reaching higher.

I hear whispers telling me my mistakes are so big that there’s no hope for me. He tells me that I have no hope for forgiveness that I may as well not even bother trying. He tries to make me despair in the mercy of Allah.

I hear whispers telling me that my husband didn’t do it by accident. He did it on purpose because he doesn’t care about me. He tells me I should hurt him too. He tells me it will make me feel better if I argue with him. He tells me to scream at him. He tells me to say hurtful things to him. He makes me feel this is the only way to make my husband see that I’m hurt.

I hear whispers telling me that this person spread lies about me so I should do the same. I hear whispers telling me how unfair it is that others have what I want and that its okay to be jealous. I hear whispers telling me to treat others badly because they were mean to me. That this is the only way, that revenge is the best thing. I hear whispers that remind me of the hurt and betrayal by others. He tells me not to forgive them, that they don’t deserve it. He tells me that I should remain angry with them and break ties with them. That’s the only way to get them back. 

These whispers are so dangerous I don’t know how to stop it from affecting me. But I have to fight it. I can’t let it control me. I can’t let it ruin my chances of Jannah. This is the true jihad. Because these whispers come from none other than Shaytan and my own nafs (desires). They whisper so sweetly that they convince me that this is the right thing to do. But I have to keep fighting. I have to keep my defences strong. I have to pray and make dua and keep my dhikr consistent. Without these I am defenceless. I won’t be able to fight their whispers. Because even though it’s a whisper, it’s one of the greatest battles I will have to fight.