He’s going to “fix” me…

If you think that by getting married your spouse will be able to fix any and all problems or weaknesses you have think again. They cannot “fix” you. Only Allah can.

Many people have this idea that by getting married the spouse will suddenly give them the ability to change them. This is a HUGE myth! If you struggle with your anger control, or struggle to pray or struggle to lower your gaze, you will continue to do so after marriage. Trust me. Although I have of been married long I know that my husband cannot fix any of the weaknesses I have and neither can I fix his. The only thing we can do is advise and encourage each other. 
So if one of us struggles to pray all our salah on time we can encourage each other n try making things easier like praying together and reminding each other. But we won’t be around each other all day and when you’re not with them to remind them they can still miss their salah. Or if one of us finds it difficult to be punctual and get to work or meetings etc. on time we can remind them to  leave on time and advise them to try different ways to have a reminder maybe use a diary etc but we cannot make them get to their appointments and meetings on time. 
We can help our spouse to become a better person and work in their weaknesses but we cannot fix them. 
What I would say though that this shows how important it is to choose a good, righteous spouse, because your spouse can help you and make it easier for you to overcome your weaknesses. 
Only Allah has the ability to fix a weakness of yours, so instead of getting married so your spouse can fix you, instead learn about how you yourself can fix your weakness and ask Allah to make it easy for you to overcome you weakness or what ever it is you struggle in. So if you struggle to pray, learn the importance of prayer and attend classes about salah etc and make sincere dua that Allah gives you the ability to consistently pray on time. 
So don’t expect your spouse to do what only Allah can do for you because if you do get married with this expectation then you will be very disappointed and it can even cause issues between you and your spouse. 

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Musings of a Muslimah

I'm a physiotherapist and hijama therapist and happily married Alhamdulillah. This blog is me writing what I learn at my classes and what goes on in my head, my way of taking some time out and reflecting and sharing my thoughts on what I see in society.

4 thoughts on “He’s going to “fix” me…”

  1. Beautiful thoughts. I also blogged about this topic recently cause I observed how many think this way. They engage to marriage thinking and expecting that their spouse will fix them or complete that missing part in them. Yes, you are right in most cases these expectations led marriages to divorces.


  2. Thank you very much for sharing this! I know many young girls go into marriages hoping for a fantasy and think that being productive/”good” in faith doesn’t come until after marriage. This post is a reminder to me and my friends to stick to God and His reality.
    Great post!

    Liked by 1 person

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