Things we were never taught about Marriage 

Having recently gotten married me and my husband realised just how much more there is to marriage than we realised. That marriage is much more difficult than any single person could imagine. It takes such hard to create a strong marriage. So we decided that we would attend an Islamic marriage course. It has alhamdulillah taught us a lot, things we didn’t even realise we were doing and things we learnt we should be doing instead. So I thought I would share some of the things we learnt. This class was taught by Ajmal Masroor:

Marriage is a journey of two people, not a lonely path, with a loving, kind and supportive companion. 

They are your garments and you are their garments. (2:187) This ayah tells us that it is an intimate relationship between two equals.

A garment protects us and hides our faults from the world. Just like our spouse should do.

The quranic notion of a garment is about protecting friendship, beautifying companionship and intimate partnership.

Neither spouse is perfect but they fit perfectly together like a garment fits you perfectly.

The male is not like the female (3:36) We are different and we need to know the differences. But we should compliment each other not compete with each other.

We should accept that our spouse is different and not insist on them being exactly the same way as us.

We need to be emotionally mature to have successful relationships. Emotional intelligence is the ability, capacity, skills to identify, assess and manage the emotions of ones self, of others, and of groups.

In islam emotions are given their due place (neither extreme is encouraged) and they are part of our soul. Islam encourages us to be wise and strong and be in control of our feelings.

Emotional equilibrium is a state of submission, sakinah and taqwa as well as between fear and hope.

Love is not a noun it is a verb. Love must come with action.

Allah gave us 2 ears and 1 mouth therefore we should listen twice as much as we talk.

Say what you mean and mean what you say.

The in laws have NO rights over the daughter/son in law. Anything that the daughter/son in law do for their in laws is out of her/his kindness. The in laws cannot make any demands or insist that the daughter/son in law do anything for them. Only their own child has an obligation to look after them.

Its not just what you say but how you say it. Body language, tone etc are also part of how you communicate with your spouse.

When your spouse is speaking to you give them your full attention. Look at them, put away your phone etc and listen to what they say to you.

Dont let misunderstandings develop always clarify and dont leave things hanging.

You dont know whats in their heart. You cannot judge their intentions.

We must practice what we preach. You must do what you expect your spouse to do.

I hope these are of benefit to others as they have been for us.  
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Musings of a Muslimah

I'm a physiotherapist and hijama therapist and happily married Alhamdulillah. This blog is me writing what I learn at my classes and what goes on in my head, my way of taking some time out and reflecting and sharing my thoughts on what I see in society.

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